


luck and misfortunes

by intheclearyet



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, F/F, Father's Day, also rose's father is dead but what else is new, but i feel like sharing it with a greater audience, but it was originally a drabble for my rp account, clara!doctor is just a fem!doctor, even canon says that dude has to die, i've edited it slightly, it's a very old piece, it's technically ninth doctor but it's with clara in place of the ninth doctor ha, this is being uploaded here for pride month, yeah it's going to be pure angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 10:00:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11205723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intheclearyet/pseuds/intheclearyet
Summary: Rose Tyler had taken a chance on travelling with a strange woman and a chance to save her father had just happened in front of her. Unfortunately for Rose Tyler, the universe dictates that her father always dies that day and what she wants is not what she will always get.





	luck and misfortunes

Some people were lucky. Rose knew that she wished she could be lucky.

They experienced the death of their father only once. Rose Tyler, aged nineteen, was not so lucky. She not only experienced the death of her father twice, but the second time around it was the Doctor who brought about her father’s death. Her feelings to the Doctor had already been complicated by that point - a mix of confusion towards the strange woman and odd feelings of war between her heart and head. Now they were a mixture of odd feelings that Rose did not think could work together - anger, confusion, sorrow, and somehow she could still feel the trust in the Doctor.

However, it was now easier to understand Mickey’s aversion to the Doctor and her mum’s reaction of slapping her across the face. Rose wanted to do the same. No she didn’t. Not really. No matter how hurt Rose was by the Doctor's actions, she could never wish harm upon her.

Rose knew why the Doctor did it. She understood and even accepted it. It had been a bitter pill to swallow, one that was like the universe assuring her that she could never, ever truly have her father back. But that didn’t mean Rose was in any form alright with it. It didn’t even mean that she… what? What did she feel before those events? Before the Doctor had shoved her father in front of that passing car to save Rose's life? That wasn't fair on Rose - it meant the death of her father wasn't just on the Doctor's hands; it was on hers as well.

Sorting out her feelings towards the Doctor was difficult. It wasn’t as if… Rose wasn’t into girls that way. It was a deep friendship. That’s all... and as for the occasional pecks on the lips, for the occasional quick pecks of affection on the cheek... sometimes friends kissed. It was complicated but when she started to forget the Doctor… perhaps maybe she was lying to herself. It was a choice between her father and the Doctor. And Rose… well, she would have picked the Doctor if the Doctor had given her that choice.

Would she have? Maybe the Doctor was right not to give her a choice in the matter. Rose was second guessing herself. But that was the point: Rose should have had the right to decide which life she got to live. Didn’t the Doctor trust Rose to choose her?

The TARDIS seemed willing to accommodate Rose’s desire to avoid the Doctor at all costs. Rose was able to go from room to room without ever seeing the Doctor until the next adventure. The Doctor knew that Rose was easy to lure out with the promise of alien beaches, shops in the seventeenth century, and spa days in the sixty-seventh. Rose wanted to make it clear she was angry. Eventually, she'd be back at the Doctor's side but as of right now she wanted to mourn and sort those emotions out. And with each trip, the Rose Tyler that left the TARDIS for an adventure with the Doctor was not the same Rose Tyler that returned back to the TARDIS.

It was just unfortunate luck that the one to impact her the hardest was one involving her own family. With no choices given to her - the one taken away from her that she deserved to have. She knew it was unfair that she was angry at the Doctor for being unable to give her that choice in the first place but Rose couldn't find it in her to care. She was too upset to think too hard over it.

Each time it was brought up, however, Rose insisted she wasn’t angry. It was too much energy to be angry over it. “I’m not angry” and “everything’s fine” were her most commonly used phrases at this point. It was bubbling under everything else and Rose learned exactly how to make it seem like she wasn’t livid. Each adventure, Rose slowly started to put on the nice slicked up “I’m not angry” act. She even got comfortable with holding the Doctor’s hand again.

Her emotions were hitting a bubbling point, though, and even the TARDIS started seem to redirect them into talking. Yet Rose was stubborn - she could keep up this act for as long as she needed. And she refused to talk to the Doctor about her feelings and what had seemed to bubble up as a result of the Doctor's actions that fateful day her father died at the hands of a strange woman. Some people were lucky. They never had to decide how they felt about their best friend. Some people were lucky. Rose Tyler was not.


End file.
